Afterward, we went to the Coffee Shop for dinner. I always thought the place was just a diner with outdoor seating. It turns out they have an actual bar (or two) inside and a very cool restaurant area hidden away in back. Among other things, we discussed the sad state of affairs at our beloved Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church. An allegedly cuckolded husband has sued not only our married senior pastor (who allegedly began a four-year affair with a parishioner while counseling the parishioner and her husband on how to work out the problems in their marriage), but also the church and the presbytery. Considering that the senior pastor doubtless had confidentiality obligations regarding the counseling itself, and that he and the parishioner allegedly denied (until this spring) whatever was going on between them, it is unlikely that "the church" knew. And if the church didn't know, it is difficult to imagine how the presbytery -- which is much further removed from the situation -- could possibly know. The alleged faithlessness is despicable -- but we are not talking about failure to recognize a pedophile here, we are talking about two religiously sophisticated, church-going adults who apparently chose or allowed themselves to break some promises (and a commandment) they no longer considered convenient. On January 17, 1999, the senior pastor gave a sermon entitled "Is Morality a Public or Private Matter?" His answer to that damns him here, if the allegations are true. It does not damn the church or the presbytery. I simply cannot see why the allegedly cuckolded husband should enrich himself at the expense of the church.
On a lighter note: I saw a bluejay on my window sill this morning -- just four feet away from me, at eye level. Maybe I will have to buy a digital camera after all.
7 comments:
Couple of things here:
You need to get a digital camera.
They are two adults and what they did was their business, granted they should have been a little more discret but that's the way it goes sometimes.
Let's be honest here who hasn't been in a position where they just wanted someone they had no business wanting. The only difference here is they actually did something about it.
Passion is a muthaf*cka.
By the way thanks for the shout out on your blog. I will be sure to update mine when I get a chance.
Please tell me more about the Flirtation class.
Dr. Strangejazz, thanks for stopping by. And thanks for all the comments. I'll address them seriatim.
Digital Camera. I agree in principle that I need to get a digital camera. (My buddy in Michigan has been hounding me about this for ages.) But the basic problem I have is that the stores don't allow self-service -- you can't just go in to the store, pick the camera you like from the shelf, and bring it to the register. (Clearly they are worried that people will do the first two things and omit the third.) But this means that I have to interact with underinformed and unhelpful salespeople -- like the guy at Circuit City who responded to my statement "I think I will probably buy this one" by simply drifting away rather than either (a) retrieving the box for me or (b) asking if I needed any more assistance or information to make my decision. I suppose I could order online. But I want instant gratification, not the hit-or-miss delivery of the U.S. Postal Service.
Adultery. I'm thinking we may have to agree to disagree on this topic, but here's where I'm coming from in case you'd like to hear it. Generally speaking, I think people should keep their promises (which by the way also means not making promises they are unwilling or unable to keep). Once A has promised lifelong fidelity to B, A is no longer free to to mess around with C. And if A is no longer willing to keep his original promise to B, divorce is available to "relieve" him of his promise and make him a free agent.
My deeper problem with sexual infidelity (as compared with the breaking of other promises) is two-fold. First, A is inducing B to remain faithful by pretending he has not broken his promise. This is a lie and a fraud, it is fundamentally unfair. A gets the security and comfort of constraining B to her promise of fidelity while getting some on the side from others. Second, no matter how "careful" the cheater is, mistakes do happen. So B is unknowingly exposed to risks of infection, and A additionally risks incurring -shall we say- conflicting familial obligations if C becomes pregnant.
Flirtation Class. There's plenty more to say about this class and some of the rather interesting homework assignments -- not to mention the online "brag board" where class members post steamy love letters to themselves (?!), share their latest milestones or conquests, and generally describe the abundance that comes into a life devoted to pleasure. So maybe I'll do another post on the topic. But if you think the Angry Professor would be interested in taking a class at the School of Womanly Arts (though I warn you she might be less angry afterward), you can check out their web site at http://www.mamagenas.com/ (they also have a class for men, which I've heard good things about from wives, girlfriends, and lovers who have convinced their men to attend).
You should go to Best Buy if you are serious about getting a camera. Their sales people are nicer.
I see your points about adultery. But life is not that simple and rational. Things happen. I for one do not believe in sleeping around if you are already committed (if a promise is made). But I can understand the reasoning behind why it could happen.
Haven't you ever lost control?
Thanks, Dr. Strangejazz. I ended up buying a camera at Target before I saw your comment, but I'll think of Best Buy for my next electronics purchase.
My choices with respect to sex have so far been fairly rational, in the sense that I have seldom if ever lost control due to passion.
This is nothing to boast about; I'm just not all that attracted to most people I've met. And I wouldn't say that I've handled myself particularly well on the rare occasions when I found myself really strongly attracted to someone -- I find it absolutely terrifying to be way more attracted to someone than I can justify based on the actual relationship. In all honesty, I have given in to sheer cowardice each time. (Think of the rallying cry from Monty Python and the Holy Grail -- "Run away!")
I can think of exactly four instances in my life when I've been that strongly attracted to someone. Two were guys who were totally inappropriate for me, and I have no regrets; cowardice was merely wisdom in disguise. But two were guys who were really nice and might have been a good match; I do not know what would have happened if I had been willing to open my heart and risk losing control.
Since the last "cowardice incident" a few years ago, I have taken small steps to open my heart, getting it inadvertently smashed to pieces last year in a fairly serious relationship with someone who happens to be one of my best friends. (Ironically, he couldn't have hurt me more if he had tried, because if he'd been trying to hurt me I could have shut him out.)
Painful, but I think this is progress.
Thanks for your honesty. You remind me of a friend of mine.
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