REM State

OK, I dreamed last night about a judge. This is a first for me, as far as I know (although you should take that with a grain of salt, since I don't usually remember my dreams).

The setting appeared to be a picnic or possibly a very low-key county fair. In any event, it was a large, peaceful and aimless outdoor gathering in a grassy area, with people hanging out in clumps. There was some sort of booth -- it seemed at first to be a food concession stand, but then I realized it must be some sort of information desk (mostly because there was nothing for sale at the booth). The person at the booth I recognized -- the way one does in dreams, instantly and unambiguously and without any reality check -- as Justice K_____.

I have to say here that Justice K_____ is a real person, and I've met her. I have a dim recollection of what she looks like, and in real life I could probably recognize her in the proper context (i.e., in her courtroom, I could rapidly figure out who she is -- those black robes give it away every time -- but if we happened to be on the subway at the same time I would not have a clue). In a dream, however, I can recognize people in any context, even if they look entirely different. Hypothetically, for instance, I might see the face of Charlie Chaplin, but still "know" it was Oprah Winfrey.

So, after all that build-up, what of it? In my dream, Justice K_____ had been recently appointed as a judge and was worried about it. (These are qualities that the real-life Justice K_____ does not appear to have.) So I was giving her career advice (?!), or at least advice about how to make rulings and decisions. I think it was along the lines of "Well, you're the judge. You can just rule the way you want, and they'll have to go along with it."

I went to law school (we're back to real life now) originally thinking that I would like to be a judge. This dream has faded, and I have been thinking about why it has lost its luster. There are several aspects, having to do with the nature of the job and how one gets there. For instance, I had some wild thought (prior to law school) that, by becoming a judge, I could somehow singlehandedly transform the entire legal system. The details of how (not to mention why) were rather vague. These days, I appreciate that the thousands of judges in our state and federal courts work as an informal, decentralized idea laboratory -- that is, legal change is properly the result of small, incremental decisions on particular cases, bubbling up through the system. There have naturally been some exceptions, both for good and for ill, but for the most part, grand, sweeping transformation is best left to the legislature.

But there is also a deeper reason why this dream is no longer a clear goal for me. I have recognized that, in large part, I was motivated by a desire for purity. Although I knew that individuals sometimes fell short of the mark, it seemed to me that the role of Judge was one that was somehow untainted by any suspicion of self-interest or personal or political gain. It was a calling to a higher, loftier, purer plane, and if only I could ascend to that height, I would know that I was OK.