Among the Yanquis

In my capacity as an untrained amateur anthropologist, I will from time to time bring you pictures of artifacts or places of worship of the Yanquis.

1. The Temple of NASDAQ in Times Square:

The Yanquis believe that miraculous events happen daily at the temple: Each day, under the guidance of the high priests, a thousand invisible hands ensure the success of crops and hunting expeditions, as well as favorable exchange with other tribes.

2. The "Chrysanthemum" Astrological Monument in the Forbidden City:


This lovely monument is popularly (but incorrectly) known as the "Chrysanthemum Building" due to its long narrow shape which resembles the petal of a chysanthemum, a flower sacred to the Yanquis.

However, it is believed by uninformed anthropologists such as yours truly that the monument has an important astrological function -- in addition to its undeniable flower-like beauty. Of particular note, on the summer and winter equinoxes, the monument is mysteriously aligned with both the sun and moon. It is believed that Yanqui astrologers use this monument to make predictions about the future of their chief military and political leader, General Mo-Tors. The General's name is clearly a corruption of the phrase "More-Taurus", signifying his close association with the astrological sign Taurus (the bull), and hence, the overarching importance of bull in the Yanqui culture.

3. Statue of the Sleepless Observing God


The Yanquis are said to be a highly theistic people, and indeed the Statue of the Sleepless Observing God watches over their daily business. On his left arm (the right side of the photograph) is the mystical symbolic representation of the one thousand invisible hands which, as previously mentioned, are vital to the Yanqui's priest-run economy.

Amateur anthropologists such as yours truly make every effort to observe a native culture secretly without any interaction, no matter how slight, which might alter the culture. Some of the more reckless anthropologists who have broken ranks and spoken directly with the Yanquis, however, report that one of the self-described dominant qualities of Yanqui culture is the "Pro-Testant" Work Ethic. There is debate among amateur anthropologists about what, precisely, this means. (a) The majority view speculates that the Sleepless Observing God is named Testes, and that -- despite their apparent pantheism -- all the Yanquis are united in worshipping him to ensure success of the crops, etc. In this sense, the Yanquis are all "Pro-Testes." (b) A minority view holds that the Yanquis call themselves Pro-Testant because of all the ordeals and tests that their young must go through as a rite of passage -- harrowing rituals that involve sitting in absolute silence for long periods of time (e.g., the "Sat" and "El-Sat") or impersonating felines (e.g., the "Em-Cat") or the mysterious "Gee-Are-Ease", which few have lived to explain. (c) Your humble corresondent takes an entirely different view, noting that the Yanquis are a mischievous people, who are probably pulling the leg of anthropologists by inventing the term out of whole cloth.