At the AskAManager site:
1. How do I explain why I’m not donating blood?
My medium-sized company is hosting a blood drive on site in a few weeks and HR has really been pushing for people to sign up. I would love to donate blood but because I am a sexually active gay man, I am not allowed. Because I live in a small, conservative town, I am in mostly in the closet (totally at work). My employer is basically the only game in town and I need to keep my job. From past conversations and experiences, I have no doubt that things would not go well if I came out (that includes HR and my boss).
While I hate that this is how it is, I have come to terms with it. The issue is, I don’t know what to say to people when they ask why I haven’t signed up. I can’t say the truth so I think a small white lie is the way to go. I was going to say that I donated recently already but as this is a small town, we don’t have many drives so worry about follow-up questions. Any other suggestions?
Since I apparently missed the commenting window, here's my $0.02:
I'd try to pick a vague reason or even a non-reason and repeat it over and over, no matter what. Unless the busybodies have a subpoena, you don't have to give them a real answer of any kind - no matter how hard they push.
And if they start speculating about specific reasons why you might be unable to give blood, whether correctly or incorrectly, I'd move to "You are not entitled to that information." Or "Wow, that's presumptuous." Or just stare at them in amazement at their rudeness and walk away.
I suppose the bottom line, for me, is that it is, in fact, the busybodies who are being rude if they persist after a polite non-answer or a polite deflection. The longer they persist, the ruder they are being. You owe them nothing.
And now that I think about it, the letter writer doesn't even need to reveal the fact that he cannot give blood. If he's got the courage to face down social disapproval and is willing to ignore or deflect attempts to persuade him that he's being selfish or insufficiently public-spirited, "I don't want to" is a more than sufficient reason - and it should shut down inquiry into his reasons.
