Inoffensive Jokes:
One of my colleagues told me his friend had challenged him to think of a joke that was truly inoffensive to all potential classes of joke-hearers. My colleague was able to think of one (about a 3-legged chicken) and won the bet. But still, he was only able to think of one. So he concluded that inoffensive jokes are indeed a rarity. But it seems to me there are others. Here are the first two that occur to me:
- EXAMPLE #1:
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"
- EXAMPLE #2:
Q: What is the question to which the answer is "Doctor Livingston I presume"? (Highlight the dark space below to see the answer)
A: What is your full name, Dr. Presume?
[Hat tip: PDQ Bach's "Knock-Knock Cantata" in Oedipus Tex and Other Choral Calamities.]
Of course, the second one is probably better classified as a riddle, so maybe it doesn't count. But I do know quite a few story-type jokes, of varying levels of humor and sophistication.
It seems to me that joke-telling went out of style long before my time, perhaps due to political correctness (i.e., fear of causing offense). I told jokes for a brief period when I was in my early teens; it was a way of currying favor with adults. Other than that, I just remember one evening on a ski trip many moons ago, telling jokes back and forth with my friend Madhu until we'd exhausted our respective repertoires! That was a fun time. Very silly.
Many of the jokes I know play on audience expectations. Typically, this means that it sounds like the set-up to a dirty joke, then the humor comes from thwarted expectations. I am not sure if these would meet my colleague's friend's total inoffensiveness test though.
I suppose this topic is more, er, topical than it used to be - given a newscaster's recent well-intentioned but ill-fated attempt to tell a Dalai Lama joke to the Dalai Lama.
Close Encounters of the Medical Kind:
I don't go to doctors very often (except my dentist, whom I see every 3 or 4 months).
There are a number of reasons for this - including generally good health (so far) and sheer laziness, and the fact that "my" GP doesn't take my current insurance.
Then again, I don't think I've seen my GP (whom I do like) since I asked her about finding a doctor who specialized in a certain line of work. Rather than directing me to anyone in particular, she pointed out that some of her partners are in that line of work. So I chose one of my GP's specialist partners at random and made an appointment.
The specialist kept me waiting for an hour, and did not even acknowledge the delay when she saw me. That rudeness created a bad impression on me right off the bat. She looked at my patient information form (I had been VERY patient, come to think of it) and then began to give me advice. Throughout the course of the appointment, she kept saying things like "The general recommendation is that this test should be done every year starting at age 35. You should have this test." Each time she said it, I felt a pang of dismay. Why did I have to have all these tests early? After going through this routine several times, the nail in the coffin was when she said, "This test can be taken any time between age 35 and 40, so if you'd like to wait until age 40, that is fine." I just looked at her and said, "Maybe I'll just wait until I'm 35."
She took another look at my information form, where I had obediently filled in not only my complete birthday (day, month, and year) but also my numerical age. Which she had misread as "37". She was a little embarrassed, but shrugged it off with a matter-of-fact observation that "I thought you looked young for 37."
And now that I think about it, my first-ever attempt to go to some sort of annual medical checkup as an adult was also somewhat ill-fated. I told that doctor (in response to her questions) that I tried to eat healthily, and that I especially made an effort to avoid fast food. Then when I mentioned that I chopped up carrots and celery in advance so that they were always conveniently on hand when I wanted a snack, the doctor immediately seized on this "inconsistency" - I think she actually said "Aha! So you do eat fast food!" I remember just looking at her in amazement. First, I was astonished that she was so eager to find fault with me and show me up. It struck me as strangely unprofessional. And second, it was clear that she had totally missed (or was deliberately misunderstanding) the point. Did she really not understand that the term "fast food" refers to McDonald's or other such commercially prepared food that is pre-packaged, high in calories and low in nutrition -- as opposed to vegetables the consumer has chopped up for her own convenience?
Tragedy:
When I mentioned that The Lion King was not a tragedy (even though a relative of the hero dies), my 4-year-old niece asked what "tragedy" meant. So we told her it meant a story that doesn't end happily ever after, but instead has a sad ending for the good guys.
I thought nothing of it as we gathered up our popcorn and wine and trooped off to watch How To Train Your Dragon in the screening room. How To Train Your Dragon is a great movie, and the girls really got into it, but there's a point in the movie where things look very grim indeed for our hero and his beloved pet. I could see that both girls were genuinely worried about how it was going to turn out - and of course very relieved and delighted when things worked out well in the end.
Afterward, my niece explained she was worried during the movie because "I thought it was a tragedy." My heart just went out to her. I felt terrible that she even thought we would show her - a small child!! - a story in which the good guys failed and died after we had come to know and love them over the course of the entire movie. But how could a small child understand how much we try to shield her and other innocents from discomfort and harm?
(Then again, I will take her to see King Lear some day. Is that wrong?)
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