Juxtaposition

Serendipity sometimes rewards those with a voracious and broad-ranging appetite for books.  Or at least so I tell myself after the latest library binge, which started with a few etiquette books for a paper I'm working on.

Judith Martin writes: 

Nothing is in more exquisite taste, in a woman of modest circumstances who is marrying a rich man, than the protestation that she does not care much for jewels...  Do not be inhibited by the idea that expressing a preference for simple things will be held against you later.  The charming tastes of an impecunious fiancée are unrelated to the standards of a rich married lady.  

Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, at 645-46.

And elsewhere:

Dear Miss Manners:
What is the proper thing for a lady to do with jewelry that has been given to her by an admirer whom she no longer sees?  ... 

Gentle Reader:
Just one moment, please.  Miss Manners is straining herself to refrain from asking why a lady has accumulated jewelry from an admirer to whom she is not married. All right, she has that under control.  This is not the first time Miss Manners has had to skip the part about whether one should have the problem and proceed to solving it.

Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millenium, at 562.   

Jillian Lauren writes in her memoir:

The girls Ari brought to Brunei were almost never prostitutes to begin with, but I never saw one who refused the Prince's advances once they saw the rewards.  Everyone I met in Brunei had a price and Robin [i.e., Prince Jefri] met it without fail. I only once even heard an expression of remorse, and a hefty jewelry box squashed it later in the week.

Some Girls: My Life in a Harem, at 186-87. 

The favorite "girlfriend" during Ms. Lauren's initial residence in the harem was Fiona:

Fiona had been a popular television actress in the Philippines. She told me that Robin had fallen in love with her while watching her show and had sought her out and invited her for a visit.  Initially she was intrigued, then she was repulsed, then he won her over.  On her first night in Brunei, she had walked into the party and then walked straight back out.  Robin had answered her consternation with diamonds. 

* * *

The story of Fiona went like this: After nearly a year of residence there, Fiona owned countless closets full of designer clothing, houses for herself and all her family back in the Philippines, and jewels to rival the Queen of England's.  On Christmas, Prince Jefri gave her a present of a million dollars cash and an engagement ring.  ...  Fiona refused Robin's proposal and took the first plane home with her clothes, her money, and her freedom.

Id., at 174-75, 307.   The upshot?  Fiona disappeared successfully with her loot.

It occurs to me, after reading these works in juxtaposition, that etiquette can take the place of moral scruples to protect a woman from certain kinds of potentially demeaning or debasing situations.  It also seems that, if a woman wishes to set aside such qualms temporarily, she should be very clear and purposeful about what she hopes to accomplish and keep her eye on the prize.   Had Fiona married the prince, she would have been in his power forever.