Broken Connections

I just looked at some old emails from my secondary email account... emails from as far back as 1999. At that time, I was still attempting to keep in touch with certain folks from various walks of life, people I've long since given up entirely for lost.  And I'd forgotten what it was like to actually write moderately long emails to people containing upbeat updates about my life.

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This is somehow contributing to a suddenly pervasive sense of sadness, which I think was initially triggered by learning that my otherwise favorite airline deleted virtually all of my mileage points.  A mere 10 months ago, it seems, after I failed to seek credit for a flight I'd taken with them.

And it has all glommed on to a sense of failure because I still haven't finished the paper that's due in March by my self-imposed deadline of November (pre-Thanksgiving) which had already slipped to January 15... and instead I'm goofing off on the internet.

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Putting this all in writing, however, is rapidly unwinding the knot of self-pity.

After all, I'd been beating myself up about the first paper, and then I heard back from the editors who didn't see the flaws that I see.  And the self-imposed deadline is to allow some very generous friends to review and comment on the paper - they only need two weeks, so there is plenty of time.  Plus my "goofing off" on the internet involved purchasing tickets I've been meaning to purchase for months.

Good heavens!  It has actually been a tremendously productive day.  I think I'd better relax by reading some books!