Among my circle of acquaintances, people in their 30's and 40's tend to mention, with pleasure, when they are mistaken for 10-20 years younger than they are; conversely they are chagrined when people think they are even 5 years older than they are. As for me, I keep remembering a statement a person made to me in a business setting a few months ago: "You're a very pretty girl." It was said in an admiring way (not condescendingly), by one who clearly intended to flatter. The statement bothered me at the time, and I still haven't been able to exorcise it. It bugs me that this person thought I was so vain that I would be influenced by the compliment (even the word "girl" falsely invoking the youthfulness I've long left behind me). Of course what bugs me even more is the possibility that this person sized me up correctly.
I try very hard not to hold on to the statements people have made (either positively or negatively) about my apparent age, or even to consider whether on balance they have seemed to point one way or another. But why are we so dependent on the expressed opinions of others about our appearance? What is wrong with our culture that we place such a premium on a youthful appearance, an elusive quality that is guaranteed to fade as we march inexorably on to the grave? People dread turning 40, and tell themselves 40 is still young, but why is it so intolerable to be old -- particularly when you consider the only real alternative?
The thing that makes it all so much more bizarre, when you think about it, is that in this culture, with the food and overall quality of life available to our vast middle class, many people are able to retain their strength, their health, and their looks far longer than people in other locations or in other eras. Elsewhere, 35-year-olds who have endured much hardship can look much older than our 70-year-olds. There's something fundamentally wrong here with our values and priorities, and maybe even our frame of reference.
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