Ups and Downs

There were two highlights of the week. Or maybe three. Or even four, depending on how you count 'em. On Wednesday, I had my first opportunity to moderate a panel that I have been on many times as a mere participant. We had a new, first-time panelist on the panel, and I also switched things up in terms of who talks about what and when. And it all went well; people came up and said kind things to me about it afterward. It felt great! Buoyed by that triumph, I decided to go to H's birthday celebration. I felt more sociable than I had on Sunday (even though much of the same crowd), and that felt good as well.

Then last night I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade at the Brooklyn Bridge Park. It's a lovely setting, and I'd never been there before. I arrived at the appointed time and was dismayed to see that the tiny lawn was almost entirely gobbled up. But it turned out one friend got there an hour early and snagged a good-sized space. I enjoyed the movie and it was good to see everyone. I also noticed how the huggers in the group really made people feel welcome. I need to get my mind steeped in the concept of making other people feel welcome. There are many ways to do this, but it's so easy to forget unless I constantly remind myself. My unrealistic fantasy, which infests multiple areas of my life, is that I can do something definitive and then sit back and rest on my laurels. But almost everything in life is a pursuit, not a stasis. So (for instance) you can't get all your exercise done in a single go; it requires some effort every day or at least on a regular basis. You don't get to say Aha, I've shifted my perspective and gained [happiness/enlightenment/you-name-it], from now on no backsliding! You can't establish yourself as friendly, or upbeat, or cool, for once and for all. Even laundry is pretty much a never-ending battle unless you wash your clothes in the nude.

I was tempted to walk home over the Brooklyn Bridge, but figured I was already running short of time to do laundry and pack. So as I instead walked to the subway after Indiana "That belongs in a museum!" Jones, I picked up a voicemail and text from E, which was nice. He was inviting me to a Jets game today. Alas, I had to decline. Turns out his loyalties, though usually with the Jets, are with the Redskins when the two teams play each other.

Earlier this week I met up with V, who was kind enough to ask questions and let me unburden myself of some stuff that's been ricocheting around my brain. I found myself fighting the urge, for the second time in two weeks, to relate the Easter Incident and its aftermath to a potentially sympathetic listener. But that is way too heavy for casual conversation. It's on my mind though, and last night it percolated up at 3 or 4 a.m., so I made a sandwich, did my first load of laundry at the new place, and then went back to sleep with the assistance of Radio France International. (My brain tends to switch off in self-defense when I try to follow a news program in French for any extended period of time.)